About Those Exes
by mommanerd
Summary: Emma's had a few bouts of minor jealousy, and Killian has too. Sometimes, they even try to discuss it.
1. Just Friends

"So exactly how long were you in Neverland?"

"Come again, love?"

"You. Pirate times. Neverland. It's a place."

"Aye. I recall it well."

"And sometimes you're two-hundred and sometimes you're three-hundred, and you had to have spent most of those years there."

"Correct."

"You're being short with your answers."

"It's because I fear I know where you're going with your questions."

"So, in all that time - was Tinkerbell the only female around?"

"And there it is."

"Seriously. I mean, that's a lot of years on an island that isn't all that big."

"For part of that time there was also another lass, Baelfire's friend."

"Wendy? She was in a box, and way too young for you. But Tinkerbell…"

"I spent a great deal of time on my errands for that demon, Pan."

"How many times?"

"Errands?"

"Why would I want to know about your stupid errands?"

"Some of them were adventurous."

"How many times did the two of you do it?"

"Now you're assuming…"

"TWO HUNDRED YEARS, Killian. And you're not the type to not…"

"Oh, what type am I, Emma?"

"You know."

"So if you had been in Neverland with me all that time, you would have taken advantage?"

"Advantage?!"

"Considering how you all but devoured me after I saved your father. And we hadn't even been there a week."

"You're changing the subject."

"Are we not talking about how attractive you find me?"

"We are talking about you and Tinkerbell and too much long boring time surrounded by prepubescent boys."

"She doesn't hold a candle to you, lass."

They kiss, slow and sweet. They part and smile at each other.

"It's all about you, Emma."

"Okay, I can live with that."

"Me too."

"But, I just can't help wondering… Fairy sex. Is there anything special there?"

"Swan…"


	2. Just Friendlier

She sidled up next to him on the couch, and that expression was on her face again.

"Killian, I've been thinking."

"About what, love?" He knew.

"Well, I was talking to Regina…"

Perhaps she wasn't going to revisit that touchy topic again.

"…and she said that Tinkerbell tried to introduce her to Robin back before the curse."

Unfortunately his first suspicion had been correct. "Is that right?"

"Yes. So that means that Tink didn't join you on that island until you were almost done doing whatever it was you were doing there all that time."

"Aye, that's right."

"Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"Would it have made a difference?"

"Maybe not, because it was still you and her and not much else going on. But still, you'd been there for centuries, and what was it like for you to have a woman just show up after all that time?"

"Well, ah…"

"Stop fidgeting. You can tell me. We are two mature adults, although one of us is quite a bit more mature than the other, if you know what I mean."

"Oh, so we're back to that?"

"Everything is fair game until you decide to come clean with me."

"Okay, Swan. How about we make a deal?"

"Hmm. Maybe."

"I will tell you about my dalliances with the green fairy if you'll tell me about your magical trysts with the Wizard of Oz."

"My whats with who?"

"The Wizard. You know – the flying monkey man you were going to marry."

"He was just a minion."

"THE Wizard."

"Noooooooooo!"

"So there weren't mystical sparks when the two of you…?"

"Why didn't I know this before?"

"It appears you need to study up on your history, Swan."

"But in the movie, he was old."

"And in the movie I wore a ridiculous hat and was frightened whenever I heard ticking."

"I suppose you're right." She nuzzled up to him, sliding her arms around him and settling her head on his shoulder. "So do you really want to know what it was like with me and Walsh?"

"Bloody hell, no."

"Then I can live with you not telling me about Tinkerbell."

"Deal." He stroked her silky hair.

"And I won't bring it up again."

He kissed her head.

"Killian? Aren't you going to tell me you won't bring it up again?"

"Oh, but love, I wasn't planning on actually marrying her."

"Killian…"


	3. Friends in High Places

"You know, Hook – I was thinking."

"This had better be about the bloody author or some other wicked thing poking about Storybrooke."

Her lashes lowered, and then slowly opened as she turned her best flirtatious gaze his way. "There might be poking involved."

He groaned.

"Seriously, you know about most of my exes. There was Neal, and then you met Walsh…"

"Simpering monkey-man."

"Stop."

"Yes, let's stop and discuss dinner plans."

"And I don't think you ever met Graham…"

"Once or twice," he said.

"What?!"

That had captured her attention, and hopefully dissuaded further exploration on her part. "I did know Regina before the curse, love. And he did, uh, work for her."

"Okay then, so you met Graham, too. I think it's only fair that I know more about your past."

Bloody hell, she was right back on the subject again, and since her persistence was part and parcel of this woman he adored, he had to expect some uncomfortable conversations. "Fine, Swan. Tell me what you want to know." He watched as her tongue darted out to moisten her lip, followed by her teeth giving it a little nibble. It was giving him ideas that had nothing to do with talking.

"I realize that nearly everyone in the Enchanted Forest is somebody famous from the stories we are all told here, and I just wanted to know who else you might have…dated."

"Aside from Milah, you mean?"

"And Tinkerbell."

He sighed.

"Considering that I've kissed Rumpelstiltskin's son, the Huntsman, and the Wizard of Oz, and I've only been around for a few decades, you've got to have something good to tell me."

"You know that only Milah was serious."

She was looking excited now.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back, resigned to his fate. "I suppose I could tell you about the time I stranded on a snowy mountain with a cute blonde lass.

Now she was smiling openly at him. "How does a pirate end up in the mountains?"

"There was a lot of ale involved." He winked at her.

"Okay, so what happened with the girl?"

"Well, that…"

"You can tell. It will be our secret." She tugged at his arm. "Killian, we're together now, and this was probably five hundred years ago. I can deal with it."

"If you're sure, Swan." He took in her expectant visage and decided to continue. "She'd found me passed out by an old tavern, and dragged me off to her cabin in a sleigh."

Emma's mouth dropped open. "Tell me you weren't taken in my Mrs. Claus."

"Who?"

"Nevermind. Continue."

"And once there, she tended to my infirmities…"

"You were hurt?"

"A mere stab wound."

"Do you have a scar?"

"Aye."

"Can I see it?"

"No."

"Seriously? I've shown you mine!"

He reached down and gently grasped her hand, running his thumb across her slender fingers. "None of your wounds were located below your waist and above your knees."

Her eyes widened. "You were stabbed in the…?"

"Arse." He nodded. "Quite undignified. But the girl tended to me, and once things were healing nicely, she made sure that everything was still in working order."

"Oh."

They sat for long moments, the only sounds coming from the cars moving along the road outside the sheriff's station and their own breathing.

Emma finally inhaled. "So, then, how long were you there?"

"Three or four weeks. I would have stayed longer, except her grandfather returned."

"Grandfather?"

"Aye. He was a blind man, and as it turned out, it was his cabin, and he didn't take kindly to a pirate having his way with his sweet young charge."

"Wait a minute." Emma frowned, running the facts through her lovely head. "These mountains, were they alps?"

He nodded.

Her mouth dropped open. "You dated Heidi?"

"That was her name."

"But, she was _seven_!"

"No. She was distinctly not seven."

"But, _Heidi_?"

"Swan, you wanted to know."

"You're showing me that scar."

"Swan…"


End file.
